How to...

Jerusalem Story

2009-10-24T23:53:00.004+08:00

Praise Jebus!! LOL

The real reason why the STADIUM SULTAN MIZAN RUNTUH

2009-06-13T15:54:00.002+08:00

I got this from a e-mail,

Just find it to be very funny. Credits to the genius behind this.

KUALA TERENGGANU: Billed as the pride of the state, the RM300mil Sultan Mizan Zainal Abidin Stadium in Gong Badak suffered a major blow when its roof collapsed yesterday – just a year after it was opened. It was not because of dodgy Malaysian construction standards or even using cheap materials because somebody pocketed the money, our government would deny deny deny, so the official reason is ………….

How to care for a baby?

2009-02-17T20:55:00.019+08:00

I don't have to say anything cause the pic says it all..

HA HA HA!! Pure genius. . .Some of you might have seen this before but I don't care. This really made my day...So I'm going to post this. . .

Enjoy!

Happy Niu Year

2009-02-06T18:29:00.001+08:00

Happy Niu Year

This blog is dead for the moment. Everyone is busy, so no time to blog.

Blog when I'm free la...

Please bank in the money...

Confused?

2008-09-16T20:17:00.003+08:00

People are made to be LOVED,

&

Things are made to be USED.

The confusion is in the World because,

People are being USED,

&

Things are being LOVED.....

Just a thought.

Marriage

2008-09-09T22:01:00.003+08:00

Before marriage:-

He: Yes! I've been waiting for this moment!

She: Do you want to leave me?

He: No! Don't even think about it!

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking that???

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every change I get.

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person.

She: Can i trust you?

He: Yes.....

She: Darling!

After Marriage!!

Just read it from bottom to top... :P

Keep the smiles coming :D

care

2008-06-06T12:30:00.000+08:00

This was done in 1992.... and yet we are still in the shit we are in. Why?

..kill the internet

2008-06-02T18:11:00.002+08:00

This is kind of scary.. especially since most of the sites that I go to are 'non-mainstream'.. and really most of my information are done online..

I don't know how this will go down... but knowing how stupid corporations are... this is really possible..

more info

tell the classic 'man walks into a bar joke..'

2008-05-29T11:43:00.000+08:00

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. “Got any ID?” asks the bartender. The Texan replies, “About what?”

A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You can come in here, but you better not start anything!”

A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender asks him. “Don’t you mean martini?” The man tells the bartender, “Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “So, why the long face?” A variant on this joke during the 2004 presidential campaign substituted John Kerry for the horse, but the punch line remains the same.

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Has my father been in here?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, please.” The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your head.”

A little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them and the bartender says, “Don’t you want to know where the toilet is?” The pig says, “No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home.”

Ren? Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he’d like another drink. Descartes says, “I think not,” and he disappears.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?”

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “That’ll be $10. You know, we don’t get many kangaroos coming in here.” The kangaroo says, “At $10 a beer, it’s not hard to understand.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.”

A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, “Does your dog bite?” The lady answers, “Never!” The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The woman replies, “He doesn’t. That’s not my dog.”

A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?” The guy says, “Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Give me a beer, and a mop.”

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: “What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?” “Are you walking or driving?” asks the barman. “Driving,” says a man. “That’s the quickest way,” says the barman.

A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, “Give me a beer. I’ve had a rough day at work.” And the bartender says, “Oh? What do you do?” The guy says, “I take care of the corgis–you know, the dogs the royal family owns.” The bartender asks, “Tough job, huh? The guy says, “Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren’t too smart, either.”

A man goes into a bar and says, “Give me a drink before the trouble starts.” And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, “Give me another drink before the trouble starts.” He downs that one and says quotation mark, give me another drink before the trouble starts.” Finally, the bartender asks, “Just when is this trouble going to start?” The man says, “The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don’t have any money.”

A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, “Is that dog there really playing poker?” And the bartender says, “Yeah, but he’s not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.”

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.

A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single malt Scotch whisky and downs them one after the other. The bartender says, “You seem to be in a great hurry.” The guy says, “You would be too if you had what I have.” The bartender asks, “What have you got? “Fifty cents,” is the reply.

A Northerner walks into a bar in the Deep South around Christmas time. A small nativity scene is behind the bar, and the guy says, “That’s a nice nativity scene. But how come the three wise men are all wearing firemen’s hats?” And the bartender says, “Well, it says right there in the Bible–the three wise men came from afar.”

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie.” Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty except for him and the bartender. A few sips later, another voice said, “Beautiful shirt.” At this, the man calls the bartender over. “Say, I must be losing my mind,” he tells him. “I keep hearing these voices say nice things, and there is not a soul in here but us.” “It’s the peanuts,” explains the bartender, indicating a dish on the bar. “The peanuts?” “That’s right, the peanuts–they’re complementary.”

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, “A beer for me and one for my giraffe.” And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, “Hey! You’re not going to leave that lyin’ on the floor, are you?” The man says, “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, can’t you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!” The man replies, “No, I can’t read the sign–I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: “I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!” The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, “The sign says no dogs allowed! You’ll have to leave!” The friend says, “Sorry, I can’t see the sign because I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender replies, “Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?” The man says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, “Hey, buddy, what are you doing?” And the blind man says, “Don’t mind me. I’m just looking around.”

A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month. The month is up today.”

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He looks in his pocket and orders another drink, looks in his pocket and orders still another drink. His curiosity aroused, the bartender asks, “What are you doing? What’s in your pocket?” And the guy says, “It’s a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, I know it’s time to go home.”

know what kind of student you are depending on seating position...

2008-05-22T18:29:00.001+08:00

...Drift (Warning! May Alter Sleep Patterns)

2008-05-22T01:09:00.018+08:00

You've probably watched Initial-D, The Not-So-Fast and Not-So-Furious Bollywood Drift, or some cheesy Hollywood films with some cars screeching tires in it, so i reckoned that you do have a basic idea on drifting. So, nooooo neeed to terus baca-lah... buang masa saje....

Still with us? Man, you are a curious one aren't you? Okay then, sifu jeffu will try his best to educate you.

Basically when you are drifting, you initiate your car to slide sideways, and maintain it for a period of time. When you do it right, you should look like this from the photographer's camera lens :

or this:

The more the merrier:

The smokier the better:

The blue-er the better:

Okay, enough of that.

If you haven't realise, you need a car to drift. What car is suitable to drift you ask? Why, anything with four wheels will do. But it is highly recommended by NASA scientists that the best drift machine for beginners is this:

Yes, the over-rated Ae86takumifujiwarainitiald. But getting yourself an Ae86takumifujiwarainitiald these days will cost you your life. Like i said earlier, anything with four wheels will do, but it is recommended to modify it to look like the Ae86takumifujiwarainitiald so you will look cool-er when you drift.

Why don't we consider this?

Okay, to modify that kayu to look like the ae86takumifujiwarainitiald, you must consider yourself these few upgrades:

BUCKET SEATS

Bucket seats are important as they keep your ass planted firmly to the car while you are drifiting

HARNESS

Harness such as 5-point seat belt and roll cage are required to protect yourself against any mishap that might happen while you are drifitng

LSD

These LSD pills will keep you from thinking rationally while driving, which is important while you are drifting. LSD is a must! Or else your kayu (ae86takumifujiwarainitiald wannabe) will not look like the real ae86takumifujiwarainitiald let alone drift properly

When you did everything as stated above, congratulations! You have now a proper machine to drift with! Your very own ae86takumifujiwarainitiald:

Not to shabby eh?

Now, comes the second part, the techniques to initiate drift. Shown below are the more popular ones, as other techniques requires you to be either a japanese or a shin-jitsu master to master it.

BRAKING DRIFT:

As the title suggests, just slam on the brakes hard enough to break your legs while turning your car around a corner and hope for the best to happen.

Hand Brake Drift (E-brake)

Before entering a corner, pull the handbrake like as if you are stopping a train and then leave it there. The rest is similar to braking drift, and you hope for the best to happen later. IMPORTANT! You musn't release the handbrake while drifting! Releasing the handbrake during the drift will incur the wrath of Amitabh Bachnan.

CLUTCH KICK

Refer illustration for info

When you mastered all the techniques above, congratulations! You are now a drift master. Now you can enter any drift competition and steal the competition! Bribing the judge is a must.

Before i end my blog this time, i will like to extent my thanks to:

Keiichi Tsuchiya for mocking the white dude in Tokyo Drift

Ken Nomura for his drift techniques and...

Takumi Fujiwara for demonstrating train drifting

Im serious!

Multi Track Drifting yo!

That's all for now, loves.

...get a free Big Mac?

2008-05-07T17:28:00.002+08:00

Just do the Big Mac Chant under 4 seconds.

Bloody hell, I still can't get it...didn't bother anyway.

Big Mac Chant:

“Two All-Beef Patties,
Special Sauce, Lettuce,
Cheese, Pickles, Onions
On A Sesame Seed Bun!”

under 4 seconds..

and you get a Big Mac

urm...

thats it...uhhmmmm....sedap

or stand a chance to win Rm 10K

http://www.nuffnang.com.my/bigmacchant

Random post

How to be more aware of Mechanic Scams

2008-05-07T10:16:00.003+08:00

1. "If a mechanic offers to change your timing belt and water pump, question how long the job will take. Some will charge you double labor even though the second task is essentially done once the belt is removed."

2. "Always ask for your old parts back. This way you'll know they've been changed, and you or a friend can tell if they're worn."

3. "Be careful with "road hazard" warranties on tires. The shops may give you a free tire here and there, but eventually they will soak you with unnecessary alignments or suspension replacements."

4. "All brakes are not equal; ask for estimates on brake jobs. Many mechanics will use very cheap parts and mark them up. Good mechanics who understand cars will never skimp in this area."

5. "Remember to have your car test-driven. A good test-drive is just as important as a regular service -- it might mean the difference between simply needing brake pads and having a complete rotor replacement."

6. "Good mechanics, like good customers, are hard to find -- communication is key. A good mechanic will explain repair phases and give you choices."

7. "Be wary of certified pre-owned cars. Usually in this business the only thing that's certified is that someone owned the car before you. Very little ever gets done on these types of cars."

8. "Don't bring your car in on Friday afternoon, because the mechanics might rush the job to get out for the weekend."

9. "Beware of a mechanic who shows you a transmission pan with metal particles in it, and recommends a major job. The shavings are usually a sign of normal wear."

10. "Before buying new tires, know what your state's tread specifications are. Then have the mechanic measure the old tread with a gauge."

11. "Watch out for ads promising $100 brake jobs. No mechanic can make money on that."

12. "Transmission flushes are one of the biggest scams going. Manufacturers don't recommend them, and your car almost never needs one."

13. "The market is being flooded with cheap parts from China. Request a name-brand replacement and ask to see its box."

Happy Cruisin~

Interpret Current Affairs (April 08')

2008-04-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Create frikin lighting with frikin laserbeams!

2008-04-14T22:09:00.001+08:00

Laser triggers electrical activity in thunderstorm for the first time

Device on mountaintop takes first step toward manmade lightning

WASHINGTON, April 14—A team of European scientists has deliberately triggered electrical activity in thunderclouds for the first time, according to a new paper in the latest issue of Optics Express, the Optical Society’s (OSA) open-access journal. They did this by aiming high-power pulses of laser light into a thunderstorm.

At the top of South Baldy Peak in New Mexico during two passing thunderstorms, the researchers used laser pulses to create plasma filaments that could conduct electricity akin to Benjamin Franklin's silk kite string. No air-to-ground lightning was triggered because the filaments were too short-lived, but the laser pulses generated discharges in the thunderclouds themselves.

"This was an important first step toward triggering lightning strikes with laser beams," says Jérôme Kasparian of the University of Lyon in France. "It was the first time we generated lighting precursors in a thundercloud." The next step of generating full-blown lightning strikes may come, he adds, after the team reprograms their lasers to use more sophisticated pulse sequences that will make longer-lived filaments to further conduct the lightning during storms.

Triggering lightning strikes is an important tool for basic and applied research because it enables researchers to study the mechanisms underlying lightning strikes. Moreover, triggered lightning strikes will allow engineers to evaluate and test the lightning-sensitivity of airplanes and critical infrastructure such as power lines.

Pulsed lasers represent a potentially very powerful technology for triggering lightning because they can form a large number of plasma filaments – ionized channels of molecules in the air that act like conducting wires extending into the thundercloud. This is such a simple concept that the idea of using lasers to trigger lightning strikes was first suggested more than 30 years ago. But scientists have not been able to accomplish this to date because previous lasers have not been powerful enough to generate long plasma channels. The current generation of more powerful lasers, like the one developed by Kasparian’s team, may change that.

Kasparian and his colleagues involved in the Teramobile project, an international program initiated by National Center for Scientific Research (CNRS) in France and the German Research Foundation (DFG), built a powerful mobile laser capable of generating long plasma channels by firing ultrashort laser pulses. They chose to test their laser at the Langmuir Laboratory in New Mexico, which is equipped to measure atmospheric electrical discharges. Sitting at the top of 10,500-foot South Baldy Peak, this laboratory is in an ideal location because its altitude places it close to the high thunderclouds.

During the tests, the research team quantified the electrical activity in the clouds after discharging laser pulses. Statistical analysis showed that their laser pulses indeed enhanced the electrical activity in the thundercloud where it was aimed—in effect they generated small local discharges located at the position of the plasma channels.

The limitation of the experiment, though, was that they could not generate plasma channels that lived long enough to conduct lightning all the way to the ground. The plasma channels dissipated before the lightning could travel more than a few meters along them. The team is currently looking to increase the power of the laser pulses by a factor of 10 and use bursts of pulses to generate the plasmas much more efficiently.

Lightning strikes have been the subject of scientific investigation dating back to the time of Benjamin Franklin, but despite this, remain not fully understood. Although scientists have been able to trigger lightning strikes since the 1970s by shooting small rockets into thunderclouds that spool long wires connected to the ground, typically only 50 percent of rocket launches actually trigger a lightning strike. The use of laser technology would make the process quicker, more efficient and cost-effective and would be expected to open a number of new applications.

taken from here

...Remix a song 101

2008-04-04T15:18:00.004+08:00

Only 2 simple steps....

Step 1
1)Choose a Song....(let's use "Apologize" by One Republic.)

Step 2
2)add an "Eh!" at every interval....(or every 4 counts)

And *Poof* Just like magic... It's remixed...

It's too late to apologize..... It's too late.... Eh!

Mr.Timba-Eh!-Land

Let's Try another song.......

How about........

To the left, to the left.......... Eh!

To the left............Eh!

You're Irreplacable... Eh!

-Irreplaceable [Remix] feat Timbaland

In your face Bitch!

...destroy mother nature?

2008-03-27T02:31:00.013+08:00

This is rather sad.

Special thanks to Veronica Lau, DDK!
For the photographs,

Each time driving down from Alor Star to Ipoh, I'll always feel disturbed at how men could and can destroy mother nature so easily.

Take a look at these pictures,

As I come closer, I see this...

It takes millions of years to form just these hills of limestone.
How can we?? Do such a thing??
We bleed this planet, drill holes into it, stuff dynamites.

Boom it goes...rocks scattering and flying onto the ground.
The hills never to be seen again.

We humans are to be blamed, but without all these we can't see progress.
That is what everyone says, but can't we do it in moderation?

Without this happening, I won't be able to drive on the North-South Highway.
We won't have marble floors.
No marble tables.
No feng shui thingy that rolls the good 'qi' into your homes.
No stones for cement mixing.
No this, no that.
The list goes on.

What can I do?
What can you do?
What do you want to do about it?

My dear friends,
The pictures that I've just shown you is only 2 of out the 38 quarries that are still in operation around Ipoh.
Only 3-4 are visible as you travel along the North-South Highway, between Ipoh and Tapah.

Here is an Old Indian Proverb.
Treat the earth well:
We did not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrowed it from our Children.

As I leave this place and make my come back.
I know,

In years to come, I will never see this hill again.

Upon reaching my destination,

I thought it would be good to get some rest and fresh air.
Opened the door,

Took some fresh...ugh...crap

Well, I know we spoiled the earth but you didn't have to spoil the air.

GOSH!

Dengki betul the muka!

treat your psycho girlfriend..

2008-03-13T19:36:00.002+08:00

Ever been in that relationship that you want to get out of.. but your girlfriend is a total psycho? Stalking you.. controlling who you meet and what you do? This is how to treat your psycho girlfriend...

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.”
This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this
will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls
are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If
she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will
show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and
every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then
when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because
jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When
she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words “**** you” and grab the other
girl’s ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard.
When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you’re
really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she
starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and
whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick.” Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her your jacket,
because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say
“if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now, you’re going to be
bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she’ll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all
night.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10
minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes
home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give
her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.

17. Every time you’re in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings
or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This
way, she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order, interrupt
and say “no, she’s not hungry.” Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy
that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls
love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on
it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I’m talking
about).

21. When it’s raining, keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say
“no, it’s just the rain.” Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at
her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her that
material objects arent important. The only thing that’s important is
that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she
can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one
that much, but guys think it’s funny.

26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Don’t
call

introduce yourself to people..

2008-03-13T18:51:00.002+08:00

So you're in a social situation that you need to give your name out so people get to know who you are. You are wanting to Introduce yourself.

Introduce - cause to come to know personally; "permit me to acquaint you with my son"; "introduce the new neighbors to the community"

First thing to remember... is this :)
Yes.. thats right.. smile

Smiling increases trust between two beings and its one of the most recognized facial expression. It eases tensions and uncertainty between two or more people. Of course.. be sincere.. if you look like a rapist clown its better to just...

die

Another thing one should remember is to keep eye contact.. this shows confidence which will always help in social situations.

Keep your eye on the intended contactee. Do not stare! Thats bad.. and its even worse if you are staring at their.. br---aaiinns... (for guy meets girl situations)

this is what happens when anime comes to life! ZOMG

next step.. extend hand.. this is known as a handshake..

A handshake is a short ritual in which two people grasp their right or left hands, often accompanied by a brief shake of the grasped hands.

The next but most important step.. is verbal communication.
Go along of the lines of..

Hi, my name is ___(insert name here)___. Nice to meet you.

And continue with small talk..

chitchat: light informal conversation for social occasions

And there we go.. :) Enjoi.
(ps: this post is just my introduction to the respected readers of this blog)

...heal when you're hurt by a friend.

2008-03-09T12:57:00.012+08:00

*Warning, super Emo post....

We've all been hurt... Very hurt....

Very Very hurt......

Here are a few examples of how we've/can be hurt:

1) Physically.

*Ouch! That! has got to hurt....
I think they used a baseball bat or something..

2) Intellectually.

*Note: Functional Shift.
(Perhaps the intellectual damage might actually do some good)

3) Emotionally. (When your friend poops in his pants)

Words hurt the most.... So don't poop in your pants!

I'm sure most of us have been hurt....

And it hurts more when we're hurt by someone we trust and care about....

So what do we do when we are hurt?

The following are some popular (but negative) choices:

1)Take Drugs..

*Oh Crap! Elmo Looks so stoned...
And the kid looks damm.... happy.. (Sicko!)

2)Plastic Surgery

Before.......................................After...........................

*Note: Removing his nose and Dyeing his fur blue turned Elmo into one of the 7 deadly sins..

Cookie Monster....

Of course, you would need the monay get a nose Job..

3)Suicide

*The stupidest solution la...

It's sad to see the extent people would go to deal with how they feel...

Normally when a friend hurts us, we turn to other friends..

but when there's no one there...

We are left alone...

and eventually turn Emo (not elmo) when we don't deal with it positively.

So here are a few examples of how we can deal with the pain (Positively):

1)Dancing

*Nothing like dancing to get rid of em blues...
Whoopeeeee... nuts bananas doink!

2) Singing / Play music

*For those who can't play any musical instrument, you can do what Elmo does (hit someone on the head when they're wearing a lid of a trash can... That'll work just as well...)

3) Praying

*Note: That's St.Elmo
(I just thought it's cool that there's a saint named Elmo)

4) Writing... Writing out how you feel Helps....

*Write your heart out... it's good...
then throw away the paper when you're done..

5) Crying helps

*Cry Bitch! Cry! That's what you get for being a BITCH!
Hahah.. it's Britney Bitch!

6) Do something healthy.... There's so many...
(I can't think of any right now)

*Like Eating veggies...
(or whatever that makes you feel good)

7) Exercise (what about sexercise?)

*Endorphins are good painkillers/pleasure inducing.

8) Listening to music

*Nothing like a good song to get you going...

9) Talk to your Dog (or if you have a fish or an object, that'll do)

*And on our left is you can see a rocket taking off to outer space..
Oh Crap it just hit the moon!
OMG! The Moon just split into two!
This is massive shit wei!
(And all that happened just after I got hurt by my friend...)

Well, if you still want to be friends with that someone...

Here are a few things you can do....

1) Find some alone time with your friend.

*But don't talk about building a house!
(*does the Jeremy WTF face that Dave likes)

2)Tell him/her how you feel. (in this case, hurt)

*Not this kinda hurt! This'll get you nothing but...an Election
(*note: Chinese speaking can't pronounce "R", they read "R" as "L"..)
Election....

This kind....

*That's more like it...

3)Normally your friend will respond by saying stuff like..
he was just joking/didn't mean it...

Like this....

*Bloody baffoon...

4)Say to your friend.. Sincerely...
That doesn't matter if it was a joke or not... It still hurt...
(Bloody Baffoon!)

Hopefully the two of you will reconcile...
and your friend learns not to use negative humor again..
Especially on you...

but if talking to your friend doesn't work... Then perhaps he/she is not worth being your friend...

*So sad to lose friends la...

For all you know, if you don't deal with it the hurt properly.. you might end up like...

This....

*ok.. maybe that's an exaggeration

or.... Self Concealed/Non-Trusting

So....... Heal...... Properly... because.....

"Sometimes time doesn't heal,
No Not at all,
Just stand still,
While we fall,
In or out of Love again I know
I'm gonna win you back
When you've got eyes like that...
(Elmo's freaky eyes)
You won't let me in...."
-Jack Johnson, If I had Eyes (like Elmo)

*I made up the Elmo part... Hellooo!

and again... Elmo is NOT an animal....

...to create two moons?

2008-03-06T23:13:00.007+08:00

First,

You get a rocket.

Then,

Shoot it towards the moon.

Thus,

You get two moons.

TIME CHANGE! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Two moons meaning two main ruling parties. Then everyone will be careful with what they say and do!

Time to make a difference. Enough of your kopitiam talks.

Time to put WORDS into ACTIONS!

Cross this,
and you'll get this
Undilah barisan nasional..nanti dulu.

Students? No right to be involved with politics? Think again, you do have a brain.
Who will be living in this country at the end of the day? Who will be leading the country?

WE ARE THE STRONGHOLD AND THE PILLAR FOR FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY!

I'm inviting you to think. Look around, see, open your eyes.

Don't believe what you get from the papers. The only section you can ever believe is the sports section.

Every vote counts. Make a change.

...to tell people you will be inactive for a while?

2008-02-28T22:56:00.002+08:00

By posting up another entry!!!!

I guess how to be Elmo will be the last post for the time being. When I get back to college, I won't blogging so often. I don't have my own camera and internet access.

So,
I'll be inviting a few friends to contribute to this blog on How To...just that it will be more sensible and useful, I hope, and also twisted, I hope... :D

If you want to contribute, you can always e-mail me, vincent_lwh88@yahoo.com

Cheers for now :D

...to be Elmo?

2008-02-28T14:08:00.026+08:00

Dedicate this to Kevin Lau Malau, who is going to turn 5 tomorrow. He sparked an idea for this though :D
Happy turning five again. Next year you're 21 ;)

Here's what you have to do.

First,

Get a picture of Elmo! *ha ha ha-Elmo style*
Then, have a look at that picture.

Let's see what we can get from the picture.
Elmo :
(i) is red
(ii) has fur
(iii) has a orange nose
(iv) has big bubbly eyes
(v) IS A MONSTER! (they even got a monster's day song, so don't argue with me!)

What you have to do next is,

(i) Paint your face red.

No, not like Darth Maul. Something more like this. The girl on the left.
Well just red.

(ii) Get some fur.

Tip: Get a red fur coat! No one will notice.

(iii) Get an orange nose.

I'll tell u what...Why don't you just go to the toilet and wash off the red paint, and then paint your nose with orange! *TA DA!*

Maybe what you could do is, take an orange and...

...and put it over your nose. :D

(iv) Eyes

First,

Get this machine. Something we use for high-g testing...

...or this...

...where the space visitor had his training i suppose...
...then, put yourself inside and you will get this...

...don't you think they have the same eyes...

TA DA!! Congratulations on becoming Elmo! A MONSTER!!!

With all due respect, that pilot there is going through 9g. That's 9 times your own body weight man. Experiencing G force is like when you're driving round a tight turn and you feel yourself pushing against the car seat.

Going down these thing gives you only about 2g.

I really wonder how if I'm really serious about joining the air force or just try the g-testing machine out.

I guess the title would have to be...How to be more sepet?

Check the videos out

...make an Indian film?

2008-02-25T18:02:00.030+08:00

All right, I suppose a great amount of people knows how to make a great Indian film and some might have written about this as well.

For those who don't know, let's get started. NOW!!!

All right.
In every story there is a plot. To get the right plot for the movie, make sure you have these elements in your own movie.

First,

You need actors! *drum crash*

Boy, always the hero. (Shahrukh Khan)

Girl, never the heroine. (Deepika Padukone)

A joker is a must have in every single Indian film, here are the top two in the industry:

Vivek
and
Vadivelu

Police officers play a very important role in the movie, they always arrive with a cane under their armpit. Well, I guess thats what they always do??
Owh, not to forget the mustache.

Fight scenes are very important as well. It is one of the highlights as these heroes will never get hurt.

Thats not right. He's bleeding.

This is more like it.

Holy CRAP! Suddenly he becomes like Saruman, standing on the train.

I wonder what's with him touching his mustache.

I just shaved. I can't do that now, can I?

When boy meets girl, and girl meets boy....They fall in love and they start dancing!!

So,

What you need next is a beautiful piece of land like this...

...and a tree in the middle, like this...

...crap, that's too big!...

...that's better.

In an Indian movie, it will not be complete if there are no dance scenes. Believe me, they are like jumpers man! How on earth do they do that?

It starts like this...

...then the guy suddenly jumps into a crowd in a foreign land...

...and jumps back and tries to kiss the girl, she avoids...

...they start dancing again...

...suddenly he becomes a girl, look at me!!...

...he transforms back and they jump to some other place...

...to find himself surrounded by white chicks...

...jumps back to the pillar instead of a tree, and kisses the girl...

...I said too soon.

Girl : Owh, look! It stopped snowing.
Boy: Yeah....I know. *Why did she stop?!?!?!?!*

Check this out, even Ribena starts to flex their muscles on Bollywood!

...enjoy a can of mango juice?

2008-02-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

All right, I guess for the time being I will blogging about "How To...(s)". So here goes!

I would like to dedicate this to Belinda a.k.a Mambo. XD

Objective: To get the juice out of the tin!

First,

You get a can of mango juice! *cheers!*

Next,

Get the right tool for the job. Something we call a can opener.

Tool A
Status: Useless
Lifespan: 5 years
Remarks: Easy to use, not lasting.

Tool B
Status: Still working
Lifespan: 20-30 years? We inherited it from our previous tenant. That was before I even existed man. No kidding, ask my mother.
Remarks: Requires precise aiming skills and a fair amount of strength, I wonder how long more before it gets into the bin.

My choice?

*drum rolls*

I don't have one.

*sighs*

What to do? You just have to make the best out of whatever that is available.

So,

Here goes,

Can opening 101,
Pierce a hole in the centre. Try to make sure that it is..........AH!! You just have to poke it here and there,turn it left and right, and u get this. Remember, poke it in deep!

*TA DA!*

Then,

You pour the MANGO juice into a jug like this....

...and serve into a cup like this...

...and enjoy the taste of mango juice like this...
...only to find out that it ISN'T MANGO juice but PINEAPPLE juice...
...and finally into the bin...
...the end!

Owh, crap!I forgot!

...start a blog?

2008-02-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

Here's what you have to do:

First,

Open a web browser. Then you type "www.blogspot.com" on the address bar and press enter, since I'm using blogspot, so what the heck. Refer to the picture

Picture 1

Next,

You will see this page. Follow the 3 easy steps to create a blog. Click "create your blog now". It's the arrow in orange. Do it now!

Then,

Fill in the particulars to create a google account. (Note: This process will only create a google account.)
If you look at the circles at the bottom, it states "indicates that you have read and understand Blogger's Terms of Service".

Tip: Just check the bloody box, simple!!

After that,

You will have to name your blog. Fill in the particulars at the box indicated with the red arrow. As you can see, my blog's name is "How to???". Then click the big orange arrow.

Next,

Choose a template. It's the layout for your blog. Just pick one and check the circle. Again, click the orange arrow once you are done.

Finally! *drum rolls*

You have created your blog! *cheers*
TA DA!

Owh, not to forget! Starting blogging! Just fill in the title and the body. Click publish post and you get what you are reading now.

Note: Drafts are autosaved from time to time, not to worry! :)

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT!